:'( + :'( + :'(




Today was worst plus worst in my life!

Dou dou!
I miss you. Did papa throw you to the floor and sleep again?
'Did your papa hug you to sleep or
sleep on you? :b
*love you dou dou*
We did not manger to spend more time together.
I wish we had.

:'(
I cut my hand three time during today
hair cut exam.
It so terrible!
Deep cut. *cried like a baby*
Everything is so terrible.
Love life = terrible.
School = terrible.
Work = terrible.

HAIZ!

Seriously I think I'm no longer have any motivation to go through that.
I asked myself why why why why?!
I then realized that I'm afraid,
afraid that I will fall back to square 1 .
I'm feeling crazy, real crazy.
All I could said was I'm really feeling so sad :(
Terrible sad. Even I cried my whole heart out,
there still something stuck in my heart.

They said:
Never say goodbye when you still want to try;
Never give up when you still feel you can take it;
Never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go.
I'm feel confused about you.

The feeling is so suck,
because no matter how much I miss you,
you are not here at all.
Sudden miss you patting my head saying that I'm your silly girl,
and at the same time giving me your warm hug.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right,
forget the ones who don't love you
and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promise it would be worthy.

Last night, though I can't see it with my eyes,
I literally felt a dagger plunge right into my heart,
with blood oozing out from my heart all over my body.
My head was throbbing, my body was shaking, my heart was bleeding.
I cried myself to bed again :(
There's no love without tears.

"Take time to think & be thankful"
I'm thankful for the love you give now & then.
I back on my path again!
Loving someone is about appreciating his strength & embracing his weakness.
My past flashed through my mind like a meteor shower.
We had gone through so much,
till we able to get to here.
What more can I ask for?
I'm happy with it.

But I still kind of sad about yesterday night :(

Someone asked me,
"how does it feel to love someone, who ♥ someone else or don't love u no more?"

After a deep breath, I answered,
"It's like hugging a cactus, the tighter you embrace,
the more it hurts."


No matter how crazy & funny the scenes around you are,
it felt so useless without the person
you want to laugh with.

My love!
And I'm getting further & further away.
Are you going to run back or get blow away even further more?
There is no love without tears.
I know, we tears too much with all our happiness.

Will you still continue to mistaken,
my drowning for waving?
:(


If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you.
If I hadn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I hadn't love you, I wouldn't miss you.
But I did, I do & I will.

It had been a month plus and almost two.
Life still goes on as it should be.
Sometime we remember but sometime we forgot.
We talk, we laugh, we smile,
we ignored, we quarrel, we tear.
Everything is always repeating over and over again.
Till now, i think my heart could not take it anymore.
It painful, hurt & terrible.
I don't think you feel the same as me,
because you seem more happy then me perhaps.
Maybe what I seem was not right but that what I could said.
Harsh word repeating over and over again,
you don't feel the pain when you said it?
Do you feel guilty about it?
Do you feel pain after saying it?
Do you feel like tearing?

If you do, then why you repeat it again?
Don't tell me the same reason,
because you were angry that time.
I have feeling too, I swallow back the pain & hurt right inside.
Do you see it?
Do you feel it?
Do you know it?

I said I have become more understanding.
But when we talked awhile more,
you said I'm still not.
Then you think it all my fault ya?
You don't really said much, you think I can understand ya?
You think we're mature enough?
I don't think so at all.
When will somebody able to be mature in just a short while.

You no longer cried, don't you?
You no longer care, don't you?
You no longer there, don't you?
You want to stay like this as you like right?
You want it to be like this for as you wish don't you?
Then please please please boy,
back face me and run as far as you could,
don't turn back anymore.

Because each day, I fall for you more instead forgetting you.
Every time, I fall for you over & over again.
I'm being push away again & again.
Perhaps I put too much hope on you.
I don't know wherever izzet you don't want me to suffer with you,
but if it's this reason,
can you be mature enough to think.
What love is?
The way you doing this, is selfish.
Because you only want me to be happy,
then what about you?
Do you think this way will make me happy?
You're wrong, it does not.
If the reason is not this, then I really have nothing to said.

We become together because we love each other.
We accept each and single thing about each other.
Wherever is bad or good, we still love.
But we're back to square one now.

BOY! BOY! BOY!
You know I still love you a lots,
you know I'm still yearning for your return,
you know I still care so much for you,
you know, don't you?
If you don't feel the same as me,
please don't shake my heart anymore.

Because every time we're alright,
it give me a lots of fake hopes.
It always make me feel, that we will be alright soon.
I'm really falling a part!
It terrible.
I keep waiting for you and you never come.
And I'm trying very hard to move on.

How much tears I had cried for you?
How many time my heart had ache for you?
How many time I had break down cause of you?
How many time I lost my mind because of you?
Countless.

I dare to speak up, telling you.
I really try my best,
wherever you see it or not,
you think I really try or not.
I dare to said, I really try so hard already.
I close my eyes, flashback many stuff.
I still see you in my heart & mind.
I still talk about you during chatting.
I'm proud as I was whenever I talk about the stuff you do for me,
the places we went to,
the memories.
So sweet yet so sour now.

I know I don't bear to.
But now,
I can't figure out what is truth while which is not.
I shall respect the decision you made for our love.
You said "you'll grow a tree, yes a better tree, and you'll be happy"
Remember what you said,
you must grow a better and good tree.

From now on,
don't shake my heart anymore.
I'll try my very best to shut the door that is only for you.
Good memories & bad memories,
it still memories.
Take every memories with you when you're gone.
At least I won't feel so terrible after all.
I don't want my life being screw up by you, and your fake hope love.
Because I don't want my love for you to goes on,
if only me putting effort to save this r/s.
But one thing I know it truth,
we once really enjoy our love life ^^
And of course, I do love you so much.
"I miss you & I love you",
what I always said to you.
I never lie about it, it true.

I got a question but yet I still don't know the answer till now.
The question is,
"Fatty, why I love you so much?"